Monday, February 07, 2005

"I shall return!" - Gen. Douglas MacArthur

And so I have. Two years is a long time, especially by human standards. If I live to be eighty, two years would constitute 2 and a half percent of my entire life. The 700 or so days that constitute two years is time enough to make great things happen. I wish I could say that the reason I've not been able to keep my journals here up-to-date is because I've had my focus and my energies and my talents and my competencies monopolized and consumed by something great, something that will eventually, when completed, define me as the great and inspiring human being I have always believed myself to be.

But here's what really happened...

I messed up. The last two years have been a stark, painful, tortuous life lesson for me. In these last two years I have descended into the depths of my miserable existence and stared face-to-face at my own putrid failure. When I started this blog two years ago, I whistled as I thought to myself, "This must be the bottom rung of my pathetic life. It can't get any lower. Things can only get better." But things didn't get better. I had counted on the law of averages to come to my rescue like the cavalry charging down the hill. Because things had been going so bad for so long, I wrongly rationalized that the statistics were henceforth in my favor. I eagerly awaited the upturn.

Here's a lesson for all those, who like me, smugly wait for the wheel of life to sweep us off the pavement and bring us back up to the apex of its next revolution -- it doesn't happen that way, folks! My problem was, I still had not learned my lessons. I was still making the same mistakes, still making the same poor choices, still practicing the same bad habits. I was compounding my own woes, digging my own grave!

"That's why they're called lessons -- because they lessen from day to day!" - Lewis Carroll

And so I'm back. Stronger. Higher. Faster. With much more wisdom tucked under my belt. That's what I believe, anyway. Hey, a person's gotta have somewhere to start, so give me a chance to redeem myself. I've swallowed my ego, bitten the bullet, and now I'm back to being a humble employee. I've still got dreams of launching my business empire, but while I'm working on the foundations, at least I've got regular pay to keep me and my family well fed. I constantly tell myself that I haven't really sold myself out to the enemy, I'm learning from the masters, and my talents are on loan while I go to school.

(music: The Theme From "Rocky")

"Now... 'scuze me while I kiss the sky..." - Jimmy Hendrix

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